3 Reasons Why We Can’t Keep Our Kids from Pain and Suffering.
3 Reasons Why We Can’t Keep Our Kids from Pain and Suffering.
Picture your perfect life, what does it look like? Maybe a nice house, a job that you love, healthy and happy kids, an active church community, or being surrounded by your loved ones. However, I’d be willing to bet your perfect life doesn’t include any Christian pain and suffering.
If pain and suffering didn’t make it on the list, you’re not alone.
The bible tells us that Christians should expect a life of pain and suffering (1 Peter 4:12), but even as Christians, we are often surprised when this comes along.
I remember the first time I laid eyes on my firstborn. Even though she was covered in a milky-white pasty substance, she was still the most amazing thing I had ever seen.
Of all my memories at that moment, none of them include a nurse or doctor placing her on my chest saying, “Congratulations. Parenting this child is going to break your heart.” No, at that moment filled with awe and gratitude, no one was talking about the hard realities of parenting.
But eventually, the euphoria of the moment wore off and reality set in. It happens to us all. In one form or another, pain and suffering creep into our children’s lives and we realize that we can’t protect them from it. I saw this happen just a week into motherhood when Madison, born four weeks early, was diagnosed with jaundice. Consequently, every day for a week she got her little foot poked like a pin cushion to draw blood. Each time, I cringed and turned my head as I heard her shrill.
‘I should be protecting her from pain and suffering, not allowing it,’ I thought.
The truth is, as much as we’d like to, we cannot keep our kids from experiencing pain and suffering. Here are three Biblical truths why and in them, hope for the hurting parent (and child).
People hurt people.
It starts with something small like a mean kid stealing a toy from our child at playgroup. Then it becomes a grumpy teacher in third grade, a bad friend in junior high, an unfair professor or ungrateful boss, or, heaven forbid, a selfish spouse who leaves our baby broken-hearted. There is no escaping it. After all, we struggle with being mean, grumpy, and selfish - just like the people who will undoubtedly cause our children suffering and pain.
Imperfect people, many of who we trust with our children, will treat them imperfectly. It will cause them (and us) pain and in some cases, leave deep scars that take years to heal. Think of Job’s friends who blamed him for his peril. Jesus’s family mocked him. Rachel whose father gave her sister to her suitor in her place.
This may be unsettling but it’s true. And it makes the faithful, steadfast love of God all the richer.
2. Jesus’s pain and suffering points to ours.
Jesus came to earth to die as an eternal sacrifice for our sins. But in doing so, he also modeled a life that no parent would choose for our child. From the get-go, he was born in disgrace to an unwed mother in a barn. He was despised, rejected, and lived a life of sorrow and grief. He was unfairly judged and poured out for selfish, forgetful people. (Isaiah 53).
His life wasn’t easy, yet somehow we expect and desire our children’s lives to be. Jesus did hard things and God will very likely call our children to endure hard things as well. Thankfully for us all, God doesn’t expect them to do them alone. He remains our strength and our comfort.
3. God uses suffering for good
This one is tough to swallow. Many times during my son’s battle with cancer, I cried out to God about his promise to use all things for his glory and for the good of those he loved (Romans 8:28). “But you’re God! Surely there is another way,” I would say through my sobbing. Then he would remind me of 1 Peter 4:12, “Beloved do not be surprised by the fiery trial when it comes upon you though something strange were happening to you.”
God isn’t surprised by the pain of our fiery trial. He tells us to expect it, even embrace it. But why? Because his presence is experienced differently when we are broken-hearted and on our knees. Because (Romans 5) he finds us there, strengthens us, gives us endurance for life ahead, and sets his hope in our hearts.
And this hope will not disappoint us.
Want to continue the conversation of why we have pain and suffering?