A Special Letter to my First Born Child

I have always been amazed by parents with lots of kids. And by lots of kids,  I mean more than two. Realizing our limitations, Tom and I decided long ago to stick to man-to-man defense so I have remained in awe of parents who juggle the physical and emotional needs of several children.

Over the past four years, my struggle with this juggle has become painfully obvious. As Matt’s health crisis has taken the forefront of so much time and energy, sometimes I mourn for my sweet daughter, Madison. During this time, she ran her last collegiate race, graduated from college, moved away, started her first job and is now embarking on the next chapter of her life- home ownership.

Many of these milestones didn’t get the time and attention I would have liked. It’s nobody's fault and I try not to beat myself up about not being enough for her. 

But this month has been different. This month I’ve gotten to be fully present with Madison and every second of our time together has been a breath of cleansing fresh air for me. Sure, it’s been back-breaking (we painted almost every room of her 2000 square feet) and exhausting, but oh my gosh, has it been fun. 

It’s difficult to describe the joy I have in seeing the pride in her eyes as she treasures her new home and the life God has blessed her with. Watching her blossom in this season is such an incredible gift and I’m thankful for the opportunity to put down my phone, turn off the distractions and just simply focus on the sweet, kind and hard-working young woman who made me a mom.

Not only did Madison make me a mom, she’s made me a better person. I see her selflessly serving her patients and I want to be more like her. I see her finding words for her emotions that she’s kept hidden and buried and I admire her courage. I see her finding pleasure in the simple but profound things, like pulling into a garage and letting the dog out to play in a fenced yard and it reminds me to be more thankful. 

Having a brother with a life-threatening illness hasn’t been easy. There have been days where Madison has had to mother us all - where she was the strong one when the waves came crashing down. She’s endured more than I ever wanted her to. 

But this month has taught me that in the midst of the storm, she grew strong. She blossomed and is even more beautiful than before. I am so thankful. I love being her mom.

“And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him.” Romans 8:28