A Sore Loser
We all probably have (or had) someone in our life whose competitive nature is so annoying that it makes her hard to love. You know who I am talking about - that person who thinks he or she needs to be the best at EVERYTHING. The sort of person who gets so fussy when she loses that she’s been known to cheat at a card game or argue the fairness of the rules just to avoid the agony of defeat.
I’m embarrassed to tell you that I have been and can still be that person. I don’t like to lose - at anything. My need to be on top extends far beyond innocent games into my personal life, as I compare myself to my girlfriends, and into my work life, where I gauge how I am stacking up to the others around me. It’s an ugly struggle that I’ve come to realize comes from seeking acceptance and value from the world rather than finding this in the perfect love of God.
This unrealistic and un-Godly expectation has consistently robbed me of joy and peace. It’s cost me friendships and hindered my personal growth. It’s kept me from appreciating the gifts of those around me and provided fertile ground for jealousy to flourish. As a child, making myself feel good by being good helped me survive. But as an adult, this tool no longer served me well.
Understanding this mindset was destructive was one thing; changing it was quite another. It is one of those things of which I have to consistently be aware. It still sneaks back into my mindset without invitation and before I know it I’m back to comparing myself and telling myself I’m not good enough.
When this happens, I have to go back to the basics. First, that means that I confess that I am trying to find my value in the wrong place and evaluate how I’ve gotten sucked back into this destructive pattern. Typically it occurs because I’ve stopped focusing on God and how He makes me whole and complete and instead have put the focus on myself and what the world says about me. I have to remind myself that the righteousness of Jesus makes me complete and that I have been wonderfully and fearfully made.
This leads me to the second thing I find helpful in this struggle. A colleague at work once encouraged me by telling me not to be the JV version of him, but rather be the varsity version of myself. This has stuck with me ever since and helped me to re-orientate my thoughts - to celebrate the talents and skills of others, as well as recognize my own.
God makes us all unique and celebrating this, it turns out, is so much more fun than trying to change it. Seeing God reflected in the talents and beauty of those around me fills my heart with joy and makes me thankful that I don’t have to be the best after all.