Can you Fully Rely on God?

It was the end of April in 2017. It had been nearly two months since Matt’s leukemia diagnosis, which in cancer time can either feel like 10 minutes or 10 years. On one hand, our new reality was still unthinkable. This couldn’t be happening. On the other hand, it consumed my every thought and nothing had ever been more real.

That Sunday our minister (www.thecrossingchurch.com) preached a sermon he unsuspectingly titled FROG: Fully Rely on God. Given our crisis, I knew I could use whatever wisdom he could offer. If I would have had my head screwed on straight, I would have been able to read between the lines. I would have seen it coming.

This was a sermon about suffering and it posed a question that still haunts me: Am I more concerned about my convenience than I am about God’s glory? 

Do I want God to fix my problem or do I want Him to use it to bless other people and to bring glory to Him?

The honest answer to the question then, and probably still, is that I want God to do both. I wanted desperately for God to heal Matt, to restore our lives from the chaos cancer had caused, but I also wanted God to somehow use our pain for His purposes. 

But deep down, I wanted the suffering to end. I wanted to fast forward to the end of this chapter with Matt restored and our lives put back together. I can see now that I wanted to stop having to fully rely on God for EVERYTHING. At this point, I was so desperately broken by the sadness of watching Matt suffer combined with the fear of losing him that even breathing, eating and sleeping didn’t seem to come naturally. I had never been so aware of my complete dependence on God; how he provides for even our most basic physical needs. And while I was thankful for His continued provision, this exposure of my complete vulnerability to His will was startling.

It caused me to ask, “Who is this God who holds my life in His hands?” Did I believe that this suffering was a divine appointment instead of a random accident? Could I trust that the Creator of the world loved me, really loved me, and would lead me out of this desert? Was it really feasibly that THIS suffering was given to us for our good?

As I reflect on these questions and the intense suffering of this season, I think of what author Benjamin Hardy said in Inc. magazine, “A life of ease is not the pathway to growth and happiness. On the contrary, a life of ease is how you get stuck and confused in life.” 

God’s ways are not our ways. We wouldn’t naturally choose suffering, but God does it in his love. It’s there in the valley that we learn He is who He says He is and that we can fully rely on Him. He is enough.  

To view this sermon, visit https://www.thecrossingchurch.com/media-feeds/frog-fully-rely-god/