You Want Me to do What?

Within a week of being diagnosed with leukemia, my 18 year-old-son looked up at me from his hospital bed and said, “Mom, all I’ve ever wanted was for God to use me. And if this is the way he does that, then I’m OK with it.”

I was completely humbled by his willingness to surrender to the will of God - even if it meant death.

His words challenged me. I thought back to Romans 8:28, the words etched on our family room wall, “ And we know that God will use all things for Good of those He loves.” In that moment, I realized there is a big difference in knowing scripture and believing it. I could recite it, but did I really believe Him that good could come from my worst nightmare? I’m talking really, really believe it - trusting that His ways are higher than our ways, that He is all-loving, that He is mighty, that He goes before us, that He bends down to hear our prayers and catch our tears.

Throughout seven-plus rounds of chemo and the radiation that followed, we realized that we could focus on all the horrific unknowns, we could ask why or question if we could survive the suffering. Or we could focus on a God who has proven day after day to be faithful in His care for us. We could, although sometimes difficult, rejoice in who He is, rest in His presence and trust that good would indeed come from this experience.

The experience changed us and we so desperately want to live our lives differently because of it. We want - and trust - good to come of this hardship, which is why I decided to write a book about how there can be contentment even amidst the darkness and brokenness of this world. So we will share our journey, including the dead-ends and ditches,trusting Him to use it however he sees fit.

I have never written a book and honestly, I don’t know how. It could fail! It could take years to finish and still stink! But despite the fact that I may be unqualified and fearful, God still set a dream in my heart to write a book. And so I will, doing my best to answer His call in obedience.

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.” Philippians 1:6

Is there a work God has began in your heart that you’re ready to share with others?