The Pain in my Butt
A few weeks ago the familiar pain that shoots down the back of my leg began to intensify. (As I write this, I realize that I probably shouldn’t identify a pain as familiar, like it’s an old friend, which is probably my first problem.) Within a matter of a few days, the pain was keeping me awake at night, walking became difficult and running was out of the question.
I haven’t had an injury in several years, but it turns out that few things continue to showcase my impatient and selfish tendencies like an injury. So, let’s just say it has been a LONG few weeks. Without my morning running (counseling) sessions, I’ve been left to process my thoughts and my stress on my own. Teaching my classes has been difficult and I’ve been forced to modify most of my workouts. All of this has forced me to evaluate why it’s so difficult to accept being injured and what God could be teaching me from it.
No. 1: God Wants me to Want Him More than Running
For me, running is more than exercise. It’s counseling. It’s routine. It’s comfort. It is how I start my day. So not being able to run has forced a hard reset on my life - like holding the power and home button on your iPhone until the screen goes blank and then restarts itself. God is breaking me down to remind me he always wants to be the center of my life. Running is a good thing - a gift from him. But it cannot be an ultimate thing. I cannot try and get from it what I can only get from Him. He wants better for my life and I am thankful for His constant pursuit of my heart.
No. 2: Exercise is a Gift
While I do love to run and exercise, there are times I find it a struggle. Sometimes I don’t want to get up at zero dark thirty, with wind chills in the single digits. Likewise, sometimes I complain that it’s too hot and humid- even before the sun rises. Other times, I think of how nice it would just be to sleep in. This injury has reminded me that when my leg has healed and I am healthy, I will walk out the door each morning with a grateful heart - thanking God for the gift of good health that allows me to run and experience his joy in doing so.
No. 3: Be Graceful to Others in Chronic Pain
These last few weeks have reminded me over and over again of Atticus Finch’s famous quote in the classic To Kill a Mockingbird, “You really don’t understand a person until you consider things from his point of view ... -until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." People all around us live in chronic pain, every day. My nagging ache is frustrating and inconvenient, but it isn’t permanent. But just the thought of it never going away is sad and scary. This injury has given me new empathy and concern for the physical suffering of others.
I would love to hear any lessons you have to help embrace our physical limitations because clearly, I am struggling to figure this one out!