How Much is Enough?
Accountability is a good thing – heck it can be a great thing. After all, it’s what gets me out of bed to meet my girlfriends on the corner for our 5:15 am runs. But if you struggle with perfectionism and performance mindset like I do, accountability can be a slippery slope that leads to despair and disappointment.
Fitbits, GPS watches and apps like My Fitness Pal and Map My Run are just a few examples of well-intended platforms designed to help us develop healthier habits. I have used them all and have discovered, like most things, these are best used in moderation.
Why? Because for me, my tendency has always been to quantify my value: How many A’s did I get? How many points did (I not) score? How much money did I make? How many miles did I run? How many calories did I eat?
There are two problems with this mentality and the technology that helps me track it. First, it creates an “if-then” form of destructive self-love, where only if I accomplish the goal before me can I then feel worthy of being loved.
My sense of worth can quickly become something that is minimized to a list of dos and don’ts.
The second problem with me tracking every detail of my life is that in doing so, good things become ultimate things. For example, keeping a journal of daily exercise and caloric intake is a great thing to do, until it starts to control my life. When I’m obsessed about every bite of food I put into my mouth or every step being recorded by my Fitbit, I am allowing this good thing to sit on the throne of my life. I have begun worshiping it, finding my value in it.
And what a shame that is for me. I reduce my value to something so much smaller and temporary than God means for it to be. Being healthy and disciplined with diet and exercise help us enjoy this life that God has given us, but they don’t define it. Today is fleeting. This body is fleeting. Yet God is eternal. His faithfulness is never-ending. His love is infinite. It’s these unquantifiable things that make me valuable; not the numbers I’m logging on my phone apps.
What and who help you be accountable to the eternal things that really matter? Do you need to let go of something to free you up to embrace something better?