Healthy Weight

I am unapologetically passionate about exercise and physical health being an important part of my overall well-being. Because of this, lots of women have assumed over the years that I don’t know what it’s like to struggle with my weight and the sense of value that comes with it.

There is nothing further from the truth.

I was a 29-year-old freelance journalist/stay-at-home mom with two little ones when New Year’s Day 2000 rolled in. I had sat miserably in the corner of a party the night before, embarrassed about my inexpensive dress, disgusted by my weight and convinced I was the woman every other woman in the room was looking at to make herself feel good.

I had been satisfied with my weight on my wedding day, but i gained five pounds from my first all-exclusive vacation/honeymoon. Nine months later, I got pregnant with Madison and “blossomed” even more. I delivered her in 1996 and Matthew in 1998, and struggled to lose my baby weight both times.

I was 40 pounds heavier that New Years in 2000 than when I had gotten married just six years before. That’s when I made a commitment to myself to eat healthier and exercise for at least 30 minutes a day for 21 days in a row. I’d always heard that it takes 21 days to start a new habit so I committed myself to it. My journey began with 45-minute VHS videos that I bought on clearance at our local video store. Then I started walking, then slowly jogging, then someone asked me to run with her and I’ve been running ever since.

Even though I lost those 40 pounds that year, I still didn’t like my body. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see my collar bones protruding because I was so thin; I saw thick thighs, stretch marks and a saggy behind. I had “fixed” my weight, but my self-confidence and body image issues were as broken as ever.

Fast forward 19 years. I’m still a work in progress. But if I’ve learned anything along the way, it’s that there is no amount of exercise or weight loss that will heal my brokenness. It’s only in focusing on the sacrifice of Jesus that reminds me that I am enough because his sacrifice is more than enough. It is making me whole again. Slowly but surely.

What do you see when you look in the mirror? How do you connect with God in a way that helps you see His beauty in you, as He makes you new?