Barely Breathing

If God was calling me to experience joy in 2017 during Matt’s cancer diagnosis and treatment, then what is he calling me to claim as His word of direction over my life in 2019? What is the one word that describes what God is calling me to do so that I can experience him in a deeper, more meaningful way?

BREATHE. He’s simply telling me to BREATHE.

For the past 18-plus years, running has been a huge source of joy in my life. (Boy, was it a process to get to the place of joy with running, but that story is for another day.) But since Matt’s illness, my running has been labored and my body has ached. I kept thinking I still wasn’t back “in shape”, although I had been fairly consistent with my running and exercise throughout Matt’s treatment. As Matt’s condition improved, I added miles but they didn’t get easier. Things weren’t falling back into place. What had brought me so much joy over the was literally now only bringing me pain and frustration.

After repeated visits to my trusted chiropractor and massage therapist, they both agreed on why my body was in constant pain. My back, diaphragm, hips, and legs were all out of whack because I wasn’t BREATHING. You see, I had forgotten how to breathe.

Looking back, I realize that with the first mention of the word leukemia, came a heavy weight on my chest. Have you ever tried to breathe with an elephant sitting on you? Getting a deep breath was impossible.

So my body learned to get just enough oxygen in to survive and that became my new normal, a new normal I am now working hard to overcome. Just as my body needs breaths deep from my diaphragm, my soul needs the same.

Just like I’m teaching my body to breathe again, I need God to BREATHE life into my spirit so that I can understand and embrace who He has created me to be and exhale all the lies about who I should be.Retraining our minds and bodies won’t come easy. The world is constantly telling us what good looks like, while the Bible consistently says we are good because we are His. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Eph 2:10