Why Do I Worry?

Five hundred and fifty middle and high school students. Twelve buses. A 13-hour commute. What could possibly go wrong? 

This past week Matt was one of 100 leaders from our church who made the trek to Frontier Ranch, near Buena Vista, Colo. Their goal was to create an unforgettable, high-energy experience where students could make connections with God and His good news. The prayer was that was a week in the mountains, connected to God’s splendor and one another, would be life-changing.

But honestly, I had some prayers of my own - specifically related to Matt’s physical health, endurance and ability to go non-stop for 19 hours a day. We don’t talk much about it, but Matt’s body is still recovering from the two years of chemo. He needs more sleep than BC (before cancer). He doesn’t have the cardio endurance he once did and he’s grown to flourish in a predictable, scheduled environment. 

So let’s just say I expected the week to stretch him physically. 

On day five of the week, Matt didn’t respond to my texts. He didn’t open our Snapchats. It was radio silence.I realized that THIS was the first day that I hadn’t communicated with him since he fell ill.  As Tom and I went to bed that night, my mind wandered back to a dark place. I started imagining Matt exhausted and sick. I wondered if there was a doctor at the ranch. Would he/she know what to look for; how to help him? To call me? Should I text our pastors? How quick could I get a flight out there? I felt myself spiraling to the despairing dungeon of what-ifs.

Just four days before, one of our pastors at The Crossing preached on worry and said this, “Anxiety is an opportunity for us to trust God and see His faithfulness.” I thought of his words as I lie there and thankfully, pretty quickly, I was able to drift off to sleep, thanking God for the hundreds of ways He has been faithful in Matt’s recovery. 

Less than two hours later, my phone vibrated on my nightstand. My heart leaped because it was the vibration I have designated especially for Matt. I opened it to find a few pictures of him on a mountain with some of the young men in his group. His message reminded me that the last time he stood on that mountain was the year before he got cancer. 

Here I was battling terrible thoughts, while God was having a mountain top experience with him.I was busying myself with worry about what could go wrong rather than worshipping Him for all that He has made right. 

This is a question I am holding close, challenging myself to trade my worry for worship. Would you join me? Also, check out the blog post coming out later this week. In it, Matt shares just what happened on that mountain and how God spoke to him during this week of camp.  It’s a heart-melter, tear jerker you won’t want to miss.