Are you Tired of Faking it? Me too!

I gave birth to Madison at 5:15 on a Wednesday. Much to my horror, less than 48 hours later, our doctor sent her home with Tom and me. As the nurse pushed our wheelchair toward our Nissan Maxima perched like a chariot in the hospital drive, I remember thinking, “Haven’t these people figured out by now that I have no idea what I am doing! Just because I gave birth to this life doesn’t mean I have any idea how to parent her.”

I felt like a complete imposter. It was a feeling I knew well because this wasn’t the first time I was faking it. And it wouldn’t be the last. 

I, probably like you, grew up hearing the old adage “fake it till you make it.” By the time I become a mother at 24, I was well on my way to mastering it. I had spent my entire life faking a life that didn’t exist. When people looked at me, I didn’t want them to see the damaged and fragile real me. Instead, I wanted them to see the confident and courageous construct I had created. 

Somewhere along the way, I began faking her life rather than living my own. 

Maybe it’s because faking it was easier than facing the pain and disappointment of my childhood and adolescence. Maybe it’s because I honestly believed that if I faked it long enough, I would make it.

It turns out that faking it - although it can serve us well in certain circumstances - is exhausting. Somewhere along the way, by God’s grace, I realized that I could just be me and maybe more importantly, that I liked being me. 

During these last two decades, God has shown me that my identity is in Him. I am His beloved child, created to bring HIM glory and to reflect His goodness. He helped me to trust HIm when he said that He will use ALL things for good, even those things that I still dare to speak of. He convinced me that He fully loves me and that His love is enough. 

Want to hear more about faking it till you make it and how it impacts us both personally and professionally? Then give this week’s podcast a listen here: https://apple.co/383PlMZ