The February Funk.

It’s the name I’ve officially given my blah feelings for this month. Yes, it’s the shortest month of the year and yes, feelings are rarely rational. But these two realities do little to make me dislike this time of the year any less.

Part of my February Funk comes from the weather. We’ve had our fair share of precipitation this winter. Not enough to snow or ice you in but just enough to make travel a pain and running outside treacherous (or simply out of the question - especially when you’re doing it at dark o thirty). It has thrown my routines off and it turns out, that makes me fussy.

But my real beef with February is that it is the month when my world got turned upside down. Three years ago, Matt was experiencing mysterious and intense pain in his back, shoulders, arms and jaw. This Sunday night three years ago I got a call in the middle of the night and I could tell by Matt’s voice that something was wrong. Really wrong.

It will be hard NOT to relive every day between now and February 27; what we were all doing and feeling before we heard those God-awful words that nearly robbed us of Matt’s life.

It will be hard NOT to get caught in the “what-ifs” and the “what nows.”

It will be hard to stay present and not let fear get the better of me.

But I will try! And I will do so by re-focusing on what I do know, instead of what I don’t. I will give thanks that a year ago last week Matt FINISHED his chemo. I will rejoice in all the amazing people that we met along this cancer journey. I will appreciate how God’s promise to use all things for good continues to come to fruition. And above all, I will continue to look back and see God’s amazing faithfulness.

And I will remind myself that his past grace gives me confidence for his future grace - no matter what that might bring.