We've Come a Long Way, Dad

The summer when I was 18 was the first time I ever spent Father’s Day with my Dad. It was also the first time I’d ever met him.

Like many of you, my relationship with my dad is complicated. It is messy - really messy. But it is also, by God’s grace, beautiful.

Growing up, my mom was always honest with me about my father. There was never any big moment where she sat me down and explained the situation. I always knew that I was unplanned and unexpected. My parents were both divorced. They were both old enough to know better. They both had older children. I wasn’t supposed to have happened.

Nonetheless, I always knew my mom loved me fiercely and fought to fill my life with as much security as her own brokenness allowed. I also knew that once upon a time she had loved my father and that for reasons of his own, he had not been able to be a part of my life growing up. Those reasons were his and she refused to speculate or speak of them in detail.

Instead she told me that one day I could have the conversation with him on my own, if I so chose. So, as soon as I turned 18, I asked my mom to make good on her promise to help me find my father.

The first interaction with my dad was an awkward, and I do mean AWKWARD, phone call. I had rehearsed the conversation a hundred times throughout my life but it, like most of those first interactions, didn’t go as I had planned.

I had waited my entire life to meet the man I thought would make me whole; who would give me all the answers I had been waiting for and finally make all things right. My unrealistic expectations and deep seeded bitterness were setting me up for a whirlwind of heartbreak. After waiting the first 18 years of my life to meet my dad, it took the next 15 years to make peace with the past and move forward.

As I take time to reflect on my dad this Father’s Day, my heart is filled with gratitude. With our relationship restored, I see that our narrative looks a lot like God’s redemption story. Sin, which included my pride and stubbornness, separated us and forgiveness, made possible on the Cross, restored us. Even today, God continues to redeem our relationship and remind me that only He can make me whole. I was expecting more of than any earthly father can deliver.

So today I say, “Dad I love you. Thank you for being patient with me and for loving me and my family. I am a better person because of our imperfectly beautiful story. Happy Father’s Day!”