Sex, Wine and Wisdom

Shortly after Matt’s leukemia diagnosis, my wise friend Denise gave me some good advice for the journey ahead. She told me to drink less alcohol than I was going to want to drink and to have more sex with my husband than I was going to want to have.

At the time, I think I knew it was wise counsel, but it probably wasn’t what I wanted to hear or do! After all, a glass of wine to numb my emotions or calm my nerves seemed pretty desirable some nights. And speaking of desire, sex was the last thing on my mind when my child was suffering and fighting for his life.

But her advice was born out of years of counseling and she knew all too well that substance abuse/ addiction and divorce are often the fallouts of “surviving” situations like Matt’s illness. Her words came from a place of genuine care and I trusted them. See this person is more than just my friend; she’s a true mentor. She’s one of a few people in my life who I’ve given permission to speak boldly and honestly into my messiness - to call me out on my stinkin’ thinkin’, to throw the BS flag when necessary and to warn me when I’m headed down a destructive path.

She is a beautiful presence in my life. A true gift from God. When I think of her, I often think of Jesus’s sacrifice on the Cross. I did nothing to deserve the gift, but boy am I thankful for it! I also think of the cross Jesus died on - vertically reaching to Him in the heavens and horizontally reaching to others in the body of Christ. What a beautiful picture of how we are created for relationship!

Do you have a Denise in your life? I think we all need someone like this in our lives, and deep down, I think we know it and even desire it. If you don’t have a Denise, I hope you can start looking for one. I am praying you can identify someone who can share his or her wisdom and experience in a loving and helpful way. What if you allowed yourself to be vulnerable, share your messiness and expose the brokenness in your life? I believe that’s where the magic happens.

If you’re reading this and someone comes to mind, consider tagging them below. It could be an easy way to start an otherwise awkward conversation.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn. Romans 12:5